Going back to my roots...

Ok... I think there is just too much Coke Pepsi in my blood and mind right now. Lately I haven't got the chance to be online as much as I used to. No, not because I am being the-good-I-sleep-early-OMG-it's-only-10 boy guy but I don't know why my Internet goes offline especially at nights. Around midnight or earlier. It really did go offline a bit earlier than expected. So since I had nothing much to do, I went straight outside to the shops and buy some junkfood and a bottle of Pepsi. Then went I got home popped a movie and finished up a bag of peanuts and half a bottle of Pepsi. I guess that brings me to this moment right now when my mind is so hype-out from that awesomely refreshing drink I had full of vitamins and minerals caffiene. Hmmm I think I can make a conclusion that Pepsi = Brain Food. LOL


Anyways that's not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about It (yes I am referring to the Internet as It with a capital 'I') going off this couple of days. Call me crazy but I think it's doing some good for me in a way. Sure I am not socializing but hey I am away from the what I usually do for a while. Kind of like how Marge in The Simpsons likes to make the family goes for family time at night for one hour. I think I needed the break from my daily doses of manga reading, comic reading, bible reading, jogging, playing games, watching videos, surfing, downloading stuffs, etc. Been taking an hour or two of my time everyday to brush up on my programming skills. I think my brain have gone lazy over the past year. I mean OMG how the heck did I remember all these stuff? Sheesh... so anyways I am learning from scratch again all the knowledge of yesteryears especially those that I am interested in. I think the test interview the other day pretty much woke me up which is good in away excluding the fact that I am mentally and emotionally crushed and pissed of myself.


So basically I planned to go back to my roots and do stuffs that I am interested in and those that I need to do. Probably the major things I need in my life right now is art and programming. Thinking maybe I can squeeze in an hour or so of attention to get my brain to suck up something productive once in a while. Maybe It going down once in a while is giving me the chance to do so.


I wish I can pay more attention to those two major stuff in my life. I don't know when it started but I felt that my attention span have reduced a lot compared to when I was in school. I mean 8 subjects x multiple amount of chapters. How did I do that I wonder... Anyone know of way to increase my attention and focus on a particular thing? I would blame multi-tasking as part of the reason I guess. I think it have made me get bored of things easily and difficulties in remembering stuff unless repeated over and over or it's short term. Bleh...


Anyhow, I hope I can keep this up, would be good for me in a way. And I also hope to get a new job soon. Suppose to quit this month. Oh well.. cross my fingers on that. I had a lyric that had like something interesting I wanted to point out but I don't remember the song (see what I mean?). I am pretty sure it's one of the songs I heard in my folders at work. Will check it out and see.


Update! I remember now which song it is. Snow Patrol with the song Signal Fire. Nice song. Not my kinda song and I have no idea how it got into my collection. Anyhow I have only one thing to say about it. I wish I had someone like that... or does it remind me of me NOT having someone like that in my life. Great... now I feel miserable. Oh well... lyrics down there.

Snow Patrol - Signal Fire

The perfect words never crossed my mind
‘Cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me, screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me

All I wanted, just sped right past me
But I was rooted fast to the earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out

There you are, standing right in front of me
There you are, standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away, you leave me naked
Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety

No, I don’t wanna wait forever
No, I don’t wanna wait forever

In the confusion, and the aftermath
You are my signal fire
The only resolution and the only joy
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes

There you are, standing right in front of me
There you are, standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away, you leave me naked
Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety

There you are, standing right in front of me
There you are, standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away, you leave me naked
Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety

No, I don’t wanna wait forever
No, I don’t wanna wait forever
No, I don’t wanna wait forever

Feel like there is a lot to talk about when I am rushing for time (to go sleep, it's almost 3am!). At times, there is a lot of things I wanted to say to certain people but none of it ever comes out of my mouth. At times, I wanted to do so many things in life and make it richer and more meaninful but when the time comes the thought slips away. How ironic... makes me feel that He is playing around with me in His sandbox. These thoughts make me feel miserable but I know He is not to blame. It's all me. I wish I was better. Telling myself that is one thing... doing so is another. Sigh. I am sure I wouldn't have thought of dying young too if it's somehow more meaningful than this. Oh well... life goes on. So much to say... maybe I should think of what to say and make note of them and write something more meaningful next time instead of huge huge pile of gibberish like these. Told ya' I wasn't good at this.