Lately I've been wondering whether I've been resentful towards my own father. I guess it doesn't sound weird to most people who knows me since I rarely talk about my family members that much and I don't really mention about the people I know to my parents. I think these are just two worlds that shouldn't mix... for my own safety I guess. I don't want to wake up to a call from my dad one day going "Hey why did you dump so-and-so, bla bla bla".
Anyways, yes I don't really mention them to people close to me even. If I ever do, then it's pretty rare I guess. The reason why I've been thinking about this is, I've been having these weird dreams about my dad pissing me off somehow and making me go really mad till I can even wake up in tears of defeat lol.There goes my day. Whenever I have one of those dreams it just spoils the rest of the day.
The latest one was about how he kept asking me to do stuff. Now I am not trying to talk bad things about my dad or anything but seriously he does that a lot in real life. I wouldn't say I've quarreled with him regarding it before, but once or twice I've voiced this matter out to him. And he would sort of imply that he is trying to teach me how to do this and that by asking me to do it. Note that some of the task can range to a measly one such ask bringing the TV remote to him which is like arm's reach if he just sit up.
I remember I've sort of voiced up in quite a bad manner by telling him how he resembles a snake that don't have legs and hands. Well, I wouldn't say I regret it or anything but I still respect my dad as a father figure and anything so small doesn't really matter to me in the end. But the dreams really bother me. Do I really still keep some sort of rage and anger towards my dad? I think it's something I should find out one day.
I think being around my dad for the past 20 over years have made me sort of numb to anything that people throw at me in my daily life. Somehow the things he does or say sometimes can really be annoying and really really frustrates me. I guess that is a good thing right? LOL